a retrospect

With my free day off, I cleaned today.  In the middle of reorganizing of my stuff, I found an old single subject notebook.

I flipped open the first page.

December 12th, 2006 is scrawled in the upper right hand corner.

I was barely 16.  It seems like another lifetime ago.  In between the lines lived a much younger version of myself- more hopeful, more naive, and yet braver in a way that I envy.

I used to be so much fire per square inch, ready to explode and take on the world.  That explosive, in-your-face part of me has gotten more tame, in a good way.

But the dreaming part- the yearning, going, dancing-in-tall-grass-part has stayed the same.

I think it always will.

(Here's a glimpse into my 16-year-old dreams.  Don't judge too harshly :)

100 things I want to do before I die

1. write a book
2. go skydiving
3. visit London
4. pay for someone else’s groceries
5. learn sign language
6. read the entire Bible
7. see New York
8. build a house for someone else  6/30/06
9. finish a half-marathon
10.  see the Northern Lights 7/20/2011
11.  take professional photographs  2008
12.  see a solar eclipse  1/4/11
13.  finish Les Miserables
14.   swim in the Atlantic Ocean  7/16/10
15.   learn to surf
16.   go on a roadtrip 
17.   learn to drive a stick shift
18.   sponsor a child
19.   go horseback riding  4/25/2008
20.   stand under a waterfall  8/12/09
21.   take a college class  8/28/08
22.   plant a sunflower garden  4/30/10
23.   be in a protest  9/1/09
24.   journal everyday for a year
25.   donate my hair  6/1/07
26.   go on a hot air balloon
27.   take a pottery class
28.   give away something valuable to someone who wouldn’t dream of asking for it
29.   attend a musical  10/16/10
30.   volunteer at Hopeline 2012
31.   see the Statue of Liberty
32.   be in a poetry reading  4/16/2008, 4/17/2009, 4/18/2010, 7/29/10
33.   go camping 9/1/2012
34.   learn to play the guitar 2012
35.   go on a mission’s trip  2006, 2010, 2012
36.   get rid of the word “can’t” for 48 hours
37.   be able to fix my own car
38.   go white water rafting  7/6/2006
39.   teach a class about writing  12/6/2010
40.   see a drive-in movie
41.   drive without a destination
42.   help a stranger anonymously
43.   write a play  4/16/2010, 12/2/2010
44.   live without electronics for 6 months
45.   learn to play poker  1/27/11
46.   go to a Carole King concert
47.   meet a government leader
48.   have dreadlocks
49.   see all 50 states
50.   learn to cook  7/10/10
51.   live abroad for a year
52.   write a memoir
53.   do something that seems absolutely impossible
54.   learn to skateboard  7/25/2010
55.   go without makeup for a month  1/2011
56.   visit a lighthouse
57.   take a day of silence for something that matters
58.   keep a blog  9/6/2010
59.   go to a music festival
60.   visit an Amish community
61.   be in an intentional homeless community project
62.   learn about the constellations
63.   go to Australia with TWLOHA
64.   climb a fourteener
65.   be passionate about a non-profit 2012
66.   get a B.A. in English (yee! 12/2012)
67.   take a photo everyday for a year
68.   fly a plane

To dream recklessly- that's what's on my heart today.  To seize life instead of watching it pass by.  To know when to speak and when to listen.  To be relentlessly loving.  To know when to jump.  To be awake and alive.  To hold kite strings to the sky.  That's what I want.