Why don't I?
I stare at the blank page and the cursor blinks back at me.
I'm all out of stories.
Maybe I don't have anything to say.
Or maybe I have too much.
Fear. It's the quietest thief. It hides under layers of being realistic and practical. It has the power to make you paralyzed exactly where you are.
I think there are two kinds of fear- that's right, just two. There's the kind of fear that keeps you alive and the kind of fear that keeps you from living. There is a wisdom in being practical. You don't jump off a bridge without a bungee cord to pull you back. You don't drive 90 on the freeway when the roads are covered in ice. As humans, we have pretty good instincts when it comes to avoiding deadly danger. That's the kind of fear that keeps you alive.
And yet, the lines blur. And then there's the kind of fear that keeps you from living. It takes on a lot of different faces. Some days (usually Mondays) it shows up as I'm not good enough. Other days it's what if I fail. what if everyone thinks I'm crazy. what if I make a mistake. what if I run out of money. what if they say no. what if I'm rejected. what if the economy never turns around.
But then there's a solid thought, a voice louder than all the others -
what if I never even try?
Come close enough and look it in the eyes.
See the smoke and the thunder and the loud, booming parade.
Step forward and pull back the fabric.
Fear is just the man behind the curtain.
And once you know that, you're free.
It's okay to be practical about living. But don't be afraid of it.
Don't be paralyzed into not trying, not risking, not running, and leaping.
Take a chance on something you really believe in.
It's not easy. I churn with what if's. I juggle too many questions with not enough answers. But it's the thought of not trying that keeps me going when I think I can't. when I'm about to give up. when I just want to quit.
To pull out my empty paper and try just one more time. To pull out my Bible and trust God to meet me in the too many questions. To pull out my courage from whatever dusty place it was hiding and brush it off.
No more stealing.
No more thieves.
No more lies.
Only abundant life- for me and for you.