Wednesday, August 31

my own answers (part 2)

In January I asked-
What do you do when it feels like God has gotten your adventure?

I threw it out there and wrestled with it.  Then, I sort of forgot about it.
Until now.

After many months of planning and plans falling through, I am moved in with a friend for a few months.  (I'd like to pause the contemplative post to say: I am SO jazzed!  Yes, jazzed.  It's great!)  It took awhile to get here- eight months to be exact.  Eight months of feeling like there is no way this dream is ever going to stinkin' happen.  And then it did.

Sitting in a borrowed house, on borrowed furniture, with borrowed internet, it hit me that nothing is mine.  I am borrowing everything.  Not just this house or the furniture- but time.  My days are borrowed.

Everything I am, anything I have, whatever good I manage to do-
all of it is a gift from God.

My life doesn't always come together like I want it to.  My plans have a penchant for unraveling.  My dreams change.  My ideas aren't always the best.  And I'm so thankful that I don't always get what I want, when I want it.

"Many are the plans in the mind of a man,
but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." -Provers 19:21 (ESV)

God knows what's best.  It sounds so cheesy, so greeting card-esque, but when push comes to shove, it's a hard idea to live by.  I don't write it because it's easy to believe.  It's hard to believe when the things that you want feel so off in the distance.  When all of your plans just seem to fail.  I write it because the idea is that maybe God has other plans.  Plans that we could never begin to dream of.  Maybe ours need to unravel so His can come together.

Maybe it's about how you respond to the waiting.
Maybe it's about watching your plans unravel and just
sitting in silence and trusting.

And sitting in this temporary home filled with grace and borrowing, I am starting wrap my hands around the edges of trusting.  I am starting to like this better plan.  I am starting to think that maybe my own answers don't matter so much after all.

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