Monday, October 25

I want to dance in the palm of your hand.

It's that point in the semester.

The halfway mark.

The mark where I start to get really ridiculously tired.
The mark where I start questioning what I'm doing here.

It's still weird not living in Virginia.  I know that was 3 months ago, but it's still in my head.  When I think of recovering, I think of illness, accident, tragedy.  But how do you recover from something wonderful?  I know part of me will always want to relive this summer a million times over.  But I don't feel like it should be this odd for me to be "home".  It still doesn't feel like I fit here.  Like a plane in the sunset, with nowhere to land.

I know that this is where I need to be right now,
but why does it feel like I'm in the wrong skin?

I guess my point is, I'm wrestling with things.  With my life.  With my sense of purpose.  With everything.  And I realize that that's the "thing" to do when you're in your twenties, but I am tired.  And yet even with all this wrestling and questioning, I still have hope.  Even in all this, I can't shake the feeling that I'm on the brink of something wonderful.  I'm on the last step, with my toes curled over the edge.  Waiting, praying, ready for whatever leap is going to come next.

So I keep going.  I keep reading, studying, and writing until it feels like my brains will explode.  I keep working and caring until I run out of strength.  I keep praying and believing until I'm all out of faith.  Yet I keep waking up and finding myself renewed again.

P.S.- I hope this finds you well.  And if for some reason it doesn't, I pray you have the courage to keep going.  Tomorrow is a brand new day.


amyellison said...

you are not alone on that toe-curling edge, my sweet friend.

wrestling, questioning, and yet hopeful... it's a beautiful (yet difficult) place to be.

can we please do coffee soon :)

Elizabeth said...

Mmm, thanks Amy. I want to catch up on your life soon. Your heart is so beautiful.